Self-Love Ritual
Valentine’s Day is approaching, and for many women, it can stir up unexpected feelings. You may be single and longing for partnership. You may be partnered but feeling disconnected. Or you may simply be reflecting on the many versions of love you’ve experienced over the years. This season has a way of amplifying what feels missing.
But here’s the deeper invitation of midlife: the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you cultivate with yourself.
By this stage of life, we have spent decades responding to external expectations—how we should look, how we should behave, who we should be for others. Midlife asks us to quiet that outward noise. To stop performing. To soften the comparison. To come home to ourselves.
This ritual is not about improving your physical appearance. It is not about tightening, shrinking, or fixing. It is about acceptance. It is about reverence. It is about learning to love the body that has carried you through heartbreak, births, losses, achievements, caregiving, and becoming.
When self-esteem feels shaky—or when you simply need deeper nourishment—this is a practice you can return to. My hope is that it supports you in reconnecting with your body not as something to critique, but as something to honor. Your body is not a project. It is your home.
And now, we begin.
The first step in this midlife self-love ritual is dry skin brushing.
Dry brushing is a gentle, rhythmic way to awaken the skin and stimulate circulation. But beyond the physical benefits, it becomes a meditation in devotion. As you brush your skin, move slowly and intentionally. Instead of focusing on what you wish were different, focus on gratitude. Thank your legs for carrying you. Thank your belly for its softness and strength. Thank your arms for all they have held.
Let each stroke be an act of reconnection.
Midlife is not about striving to be chosen. It is about choosing yourself—again and again. This ritual is a quiet declaration that you are worthy of your own tenderness, today and every day.
How to Dry Brush
Start at your feet and brush upward toward your heart. When you start on your arms, begin at the hands and brush upwards. Use gentle, small upward strokes or a circular motion. Don't go over any one area too many times and move in a clockwise direction when brushing your stomach. I encourage you to perform this ritual for 3 to 5 minutes. Dedicate this time to you, no distractions. Lock the bathroom door if you have to.
How to Choose the Right Dry Brush
I like a long handled brush to get into those hard to reach places. Other times, I want to get a little more intimate with a handheld brush. Be sure to choose a brush that it is not coarse on the skin and has natural bristles.
Benefits of Dry Brushing
1) Improves blood circulation.
I have found this to be a problem for me now that I am in my 40’s. I am cold all the time and my acupuncturist explained to me that this is related to a lack of circulation. I have added dry brushing to my self-care rituals.
2) Encourages lymphatic drainage.
We are exposed to a lot of toxins in this modern world. Dry brushing helps the body detox by promoting circulation and opening the pores making it easier for your body to sweat.
3) Relieves stress and encourages relaxation.
The ritualistic movements of dry brushing can be meditative if you focus with intent on what you are doing. I encourage you to light a candle, play your favourite relaxing music and bring your focus to pampering your body.
When Not to Dry Brush
1) Don’t dry brush over wounded, irritated, or sensitive areas.
2) Don’t brush too hard. You may think that harder is better, but be gentle on your skin. Choose a gentle brush that feels good on your skin. You want this ritual to be enjoyable, so that it becomes part of your routine.
3) Don’t brush over warts, moles, or other skin growths.
4) Make sure to use a brush specifically made for dry brushing to not damage the skin.
Do Not dry brush more than once or twice a week. It may be uncomfortable for your skin at first. If so, dry brush once every few weeks until it feels more comfortable and then slowly increase from there.
Take a shower when you have finished dry brushing. I like to place a few drops of eucalyptus essential oil in the shower to boost immunity. While in the shower, bring awareness to the feeling of the water washing over your body. Visualize the water cleansing you of any negativity. Visualize all negative thoughts and tension in the body going down the drain, to Mother Earth to be transmuted. You may want to start with a warm to hot shower to promote circulation and finishing with a cold shower. As the cold washes over you, visualize a white light pouring out of the shower, illuminating your entire body, protecting it from head to toe. Once your skin is clean and dry, move onto the anointing part of this self-love ritual.
I like to use either pure, unrefined shea butter or cocoa butter as well as my favourite essential oils to practice the anointing part of this self-love ritual (some of my favourite essential oils are listed below). Lovingly talk to yourself as you massage your skin. This step must not be skipped. Most of us ladies have a lot of negative self-talk that does not support our highest good. It is important to bring awareness and counteract this with some positive affirmations.
10 of My Fave Affirmations
1) I love and accept myself exactly as I am
2) My body is a temple and I nourish it with good food, movement, and rest.
3) Love flows through my body, healing all dis-ease.
4) Perfect health is my divine right and I claim it now.
5) I am grateful for my healthy body.
6) I live in a paradise of my own creation.
7) My body appreciates how I take care of it.
8) I drink lots of water to cleanse my body and mind.
9) I am in harmony with Nature.
10) I trust my intuition and am willing to listen to the gentle voice within.
Massage your skin in any way that feels good to you as you lovingly touch your body. Most of us have become so disconnected from our bodies. This practice will enhance your intuition and connection with your body.
My Top 5 Fave Essential Oils for Self-Love Ritual
1) Rose
Is known to balance and strengthen the heart chakra, increasing feelings of self-love. It has the highest vibrational frequency of any essential oil.
2) Frankincense
Balances and purifies body, mind, and spirit as it works as an energy medicine.
3) Geranium
Helps the bodies ability to detox. Removes harmful thoughts and emotions that keep us stuck in habitual patterns.
4) Vetiver
Is known to be grounding and balances the root chakra. Helps relieve anxiety and coping with fear and insecurity.
5) Lavender
Thought to uplift the spirit and promote inner peace. It encourages spiritual connection.
This article is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice. I encourage you to talk to your doctor before dry brushing if you have existing skin conditions.
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